Forth chemo – final one

Submitted by meltem on Mon, 10/26/2009 - 18:39

Melanie is receiving her fourth chemo – the last one. Hurray, four months of treatment is almost over. The whole thing is almost over. I am not sure how I should be feeling now. Can I feel happy? Four months of living in and out of hospitals is coming to an end. We can finally go home and never think about it again. I know that there is still radiotherapy but it is ok.

I tell Jasmin “we are closing this chapter of the book”. The moment I utter these words I am terrified with thoughts and hate myself suddenly. Why did I say “chapter of the book”? Doesn’t that imply that it is not over? There is more to it? No no no. This cannot be. It is over. I said it wrong. What I meant to say was “we are closing this book – the end”. I try to push the thoughts away but it’s been loudly said already - not going away. I am horrified.

WHY?

Why in my brain?
It caused me so much pain.
Why in my head?
Perhaps somewhere else instead.
Why in my brain?
We tried a fluid drain.

I just want to walk like you.
I’ve had enough now, haven’t you too?

Poem from Sophie Pollock who lost her battle with cancer in 2007.

Things you can do on Difficult Days

Talk about the child who has died.
Write a letter to him/her.
Eat his/her favourite food.
Watch a video of him/her.
Wear one of his/her clothes like a scarf.
Light a candle.
Look at photos.
Listen to his/her favourite music.
Visit the grave.
Cry, laugh, scream.
Release a balloon with a message.

Some tips for parents and siblings.

What’s the Point?

What’s the point of eyes,
If you’re not here to see?
What’s the point of ears,
If you cannot hear me?
Every sense on my body,
Useless as a broken toy,
What’s the point of beauty,
If you cannot enjoy?

Cry of a parent - by JK.