Christmas is coming up

We are waiting for Melanie’s white cells to come up. While waiting we are introduced to Hama beads by the play specialist in the ward. First day Melanie makes one shape. Second day, she makes three shapes. Third day, I joined her. We start making many shapes in varying sizes and colour. The play specialist complains that she cannot just attend us only (because we ask her to do the ironing). This means I need to do it. Ok fine, no problems. We produce about 50 figures made from Hama beads. Bees, angles, Santa, rainbows and so on.

Melanie comes up with the idea that we should decorate the Christmas tree with these shapes. We say, why not! Who says we need to decorate the Christmas tree with traditional ornaments? Also, this is a special year for us so should the tree.

I buy the tree, three meters tall, not realising that it does not fit into the living room. We chop it from top and bottom, then it fits but still so big.

Melanie’s white cells start to show up. Anytime soon we will go home. Can we make it home by Christmas? This is to be seen.

I tell Melanie that the tree is quite big and we do not have enough Hama bead shapes. So we produce many more shapes.

It seems that we are not going home by Christmas. Melanie is unhappy. We say, no worries. We will simply postpone Christmas.

In the meantime Santa from Harrods comes to visit the ward. He gives Harrods bears to all children in the war. Melanie asks for two bears, one for her and one for her sister. She always thinks of her little sister.

Few days later, we are good to go home. Finally. We postponed the Christmas in our house. We go home and decorate our giant tree with Hama beads shapes. Still there is so much empty space so we fill with some other ornaments. The tree looks beautiful.

This Christmas Monty is born. Jasmin gives Monty with yellow heart to Melanie. Melanie loves Monty. Monty is not short for Montgomery. It is just Monty.

WHY?

Why in my brain?
It caused me so much pain.
Why in my head?
Perhaps somewhere else instead.
Why in my brain?
We tried a fluid drain.

I just want to walk like you.
I’ve had enough now, haven’t you too?

Poem from Sophie Pollock who lost her battle with cancer in 2007.

Things you can do on Difficult Days

Talk about the child who has died.
Write a letter to him/her.
Eat his/her favourite food.
Watch a video of him/her.
Wear one of his/her clothes like a scarf.
Light a candle.
Look at photos.
Listen to his/her favourite music.
Visit the grave.
Cry, laugh, scream.
Release a balloon with a message.

Some tips for parents and siblings.

What’s the Point?

What’s the point of eyes,
If you’re not here to see?
What’s the point of ears,
If you cannot hear me?
Every sense on my body,
Useless as a broken toy,
What’s the point of beauty,
If you cannot enjoy?

Cry of a parent - by JK.